Forgiveness and Apology Should Not Be the Pre-conditions of Forgiveness: Yvonne’s Journey

My name is Yvonne Nyiraminani, and I am 61 years old, living in Cyeza Sector of Muhanga District.

During the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, I faced an experience that left deep wounds in my heart. As killings were happening, a man confronted me, asking, “Where is your husband?” I told him I didn’t know. He kept pressing me for an answer, but I repeated the same. Finally, he threatened me, saying, “I cut you, open your womb to separate you from that pregnant Inkotanyi [Tutsi].”

In that moment, fear consumed me. I tried to run, and by God’s grace, he rushed off to loot assets instead of harming me; thus, my husband and I survived. Yet, the pain of that man stayed with me for many years.

Years later, my husband attended the Empower Workshop and came back telling me that I should forgive that man. He insisted that I was the one suffering by holding onto the pain. I pretended to agree, but deep inside, I couldn’t let go. I carried that burden in silence, unable to even confess it in prayer, though I was a Christian. I lived with hidden anger, headaches, sleepless nights, and loss of appetite.

When I finally attended the Empower Workshop myself, everything changed. I learnt about the “bags”, deep pain that weighed down my heart. I realized I had been carrying such a bag (burdens) for many years. Every time I saw that man, I remembered his threat, and hatred filled me. Outwardly, I greeted him and smiled, but inside, I suffered.

Through the lessons on releasing the burden of pain, I began to understand true forgiveness. I reflected deeply, discussed it with my husband, and eventually, I was able to forgive. Now, I feel that he is just a person like me. The anger that once consumed me has gone.

Today, my heart is free. The headaches, sleepless nights, and heavy burden have disappeared since the Empower workshop. I even feel I could welcome him into my house and share with him something like food or drinks; something I never thought possible.

I am grateful to God and to CARSA’s Empower Workshop Team for preparing such powerful lessons that touch on the hidden wounds in people’s hearts. Because of this journey, I can now say, I am healed. I am free. I have forgiven.

Portrait of Yvonne Nyiraminani, an Empower participant, taken in Cyeza Sector, Muhanga District.