From Separation to Restoration: How CARSA is Restoring Broken Family Relationships

For years, Grace Uwamahoro, a mother of five from Cyeza Sector in Muhanga District, endured constant conflict in her marriage. Though she and her husband, Jean Paul Kamali, had lived together for 20 years, their home was filled with quarrels, poverty, and tension. At her lowest point, Grace felt separation was the only way forward.

She was not alone in this struggle. Their neighbour, Rosalie Kamaliza, a mother of three who had been married to Sylvain Seti for 18 years, also reached the brink of divorce. Rosalie recalls:

“Before I joined the Empower Workshop, I was at the final stage of separating from my husband because our conflicts had gone on for far too long.”

Grace shared similar thoughts: “Things were so bad that I had already resolved not to continue living with my husband. I thought the best thing was to leave him and live alone.”

The roots of conflict

Much of Grace’s conflict stemmed from her husband’s excessive drinking, which fueled anger and shouting at home. Grace herself admitted to being quick-tempered, leading to endless arguments. Rosalie, too, struggled with destructive behaviors. She recalls:

“Before the Empower Workshop, my focus was only on drinking alcohol. Any money in the house, I would take and spend on drinks. When the children asked me for something, I would send them to their father, who would also dismiss them angrily.”

Their husbands also recognized their own negative habits. Sylvain explains: “We were living badly, unable to communicate about important matters like family resources or family decisions. Everyone was doing their own thing, and disagreements always turned into fights. We were destroying our home instead of building it.”

A turning point: The Empower Workshop

Hope came when both couples, along with others facing similar struggles, were invited to attend a seven-day Empower Workshop organized by CARSA in partnership with Compelled By Love.

Through counseling and lessons, they learned about the consequences of unresolved family conflict and practical ways to rebuild peace and strengthen livelihoods. The coupleS started a journey of restoring their broken relationship.

Grace testifies, “I learned how to control my emotions and calm down instead of reacting angrily. Gradually, the arguments at home started reducing. The idea I had to abandon my family slowly disappeared because I realized I needed to build my home rather than destroy it.”

Rosalie also describes the transformation in her home: “After the workshop, I went home and started applying what I had learned. Even when my husband was angry, I avoided quarrels and chose calmness instead. When I bring up an issue that needs attention, he now listens positively. That shows me he has changed, and now we live in peace.”

Sylvain adds, “After the workshop, we began discussing and agreeing on everything in our home. Now, when my wife makes a mistake, I don’t rush to beat her as before. Instead, we talk, and she also listens to me.”

Healing relationships and boosting family development

The transformation in these families has gone beyond peace; it has also improved their livelihoods.

Before, conflicts led to wasted resources and divided households. Rosalie recalls how her husband used to farm separately and refuse to share his harvests. She, in turn, withheld her crops. But after the workshop, this changed.

“Recently, he sold the maize he had grown and brought home Rwf 40,000. Instead of spending it alone, he gave it to me, and we used it for family needs.”

Sylvain highlights their progress: “In the past three months, we have bought four chickens and a pig, and we are planning to buy a cow soon. You can see our development is progressing because we are resolving conflicts and working together.”

Grace confirms a similar transformation: “Before, when my husband got money, he wasted it on alcohol. But now, he brings it home, and we plan together. I used to bear the full burden of caring for the children, but after the workshop, we share responsibilities; whether it’s school fees or when a child is sick. In the past three months, we have managed to buy a pig, something that was impossible before due to constant conflicts.”

From separation to restoration

Today, both Grace and Rosalie no longer dream of separation. Instead, they are working together with their husbands to rebuild their marriage relationship and create a better environment for their children.

Rosalie concludes: “I realized that when a husband and wife separate, they put their children at great risk. I am now committed to building a better family so that my children can have a better future.”

Tackling a national challenge

Family conflict remains a serious challenge in Rwanda. According to the 2024 Ministry of Justice Report, 2,833 couples officially divorced. Through initiatives like the Empower Workshop, CARSA is addressing this issue by helping couples resolve conflicts, strengthen relationships, and build sustainable livelihoods.

Grace, Rosalie, and their husbands stand as living testimonies that even the most broken marriages can be restored when couples are equipped with the tools of reconciliation and guided toward peace.